This vision troubled me exceedingly. My health was very poor, and I was only seventeen years old. I knew that many had fallen through exaltation, and that if I in any way became exalted, the Lord would leave me, and I should surely be lost. I earnestly prayed that the burden might be laid on some other one. But all the light I could get was, “Make known to others what I have revealed to you.” I was unreconciled to go out into the world. I had naturally but little confidence. When I had the assurance that all was right between me and God, then my confidence was strong. I was then willing to do anything, and suffer anything; and relying upon the strength of God could declare the testimony without fear. But the work looked great, and the trials severe. The idea of a female traveling from place to place caused me to draw back. I looked with desire into the grave. Death appeared to me preferable to the responsibilities I should have to bear. (2SG 36.1) MC VC

At length the Lord hid his face from me. I was again in darkness and despair. I feared that he had left me because I was unwilling to go and do his will. The company of believers in Portland sincerely sympathized with me. They seemed to understand my case, and while some sought to comfort me, others were faithful in warning me of my danger. I was afraid I had grieved the Spirit of the Lord from me for ever, and thought if he would reveal himself to me again, I would obey him, and would go anywhere. How small the opposition and frowns of men appeared to me then, compared with the frown of God. (2SG 36.2) MC VC