Chapter 25—Fortitude in Affliction

Why This Affliction

[Appeared in Notebook Leaflets, Christian Experience, No. 9.]

[Late in 1891, Ellen G. White, in response to a request from the General Conference, journeyed to Australia to assist in strengthening the newly established work there. The sojourn extended to nine years. Soon after her arrival she was overtaken by an extended and painful illness. The following items record her fortitude in this affliction. Take note of the lessons she learned from this experience.—Compilers.]

Every mail has taken from one to two hundred pages from my hand, and most of it has been written either as I am now propped up on the bed by pillows, half lying or half sitting, or bolstered up sitting in an uncomfortable chair.

It is very painful to my hip and to the lower part of my spine to sit up. If such easy chairs were to be found in this country [Australia] as you have at the sanitarium, one would be readily purchased by me, if it cost thirty dollars It is with great weariness that I can sit erect and hold up my head. I must rest it against the back of the chair on the pillows, half reclining. This is my condition just now.

But I am not at all discouraged. I feel that I am sustained daily. In the long weary hours of the night, when sleep has been out of the question, I have devoted much time to prayer; and when every nerve seemed to be shrieking with pain, when if I considered myself, it seemed I should go frantic, the peace of Christ has come into my heart in such measure that I have been filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. I know that Jesus loves me, and I love Jesus. Some nights I have slept three hours, a few nights four hours, and much of the time only two, and yet in these long Australian nights, in the darkness, all seems light about me, and I enjoy sweet communion with God.

When I first found myself in a state of helplessness I deeply regretted having crossed the broad waters. Why was I not in America? Why at such expense was I in this country? Time and again I could have buried my face in the bed quilts and had a good cry. But I did not long indulge in the luxury of tears.

I said to myself, “Ellen G. White, what do you mean? Have you not come to Australia because you felt that it was your duty to go where the conference judged it best for you to go? Has this not been your practice?”

I said, “Yes.”

“Then why do you feel almost forsaken and discouraged? Is not this the enemy’s work?”

I said, “I believe it is.”

I dried my tears as quickly as possible and said, “It is enough; I will not look on the dark side any more. Live or die, I commit the keeping of my soul to Him who died for me.”

I then believed that the Lord would do all things well, and during this eight months of helplessness, I have not had any despondency or doubt. I now look at this matter as a part of the Lord’s great plan, for the good of His people here in this country, and for those in America, and for my good. I cannot explain why or how, but I believe it. And I am happy in my affliction. I can trust my heavenly Father. I will not doubt His love. I have an ever-watchful guardian day and night, and I will praise the Lord, for His praise is upon my lips because it comes from a heart full of gratitude—Letter 18a, 1892.

Meditations Through Days of Affliction

Prayer and Anointing—but Not Instantly Healed

May 21, 1892—The trying, almost sleepless night is ended. Yesterday afternoon Elder [A. G.] Daniells and his wife, Elder [G. C.] Tenney and his wife, and Brethren Stockton and Smith came to our house at my request to pray that the Lord would heal me. We had a most earnest season of prayer, and we were all much blessed. I was relieved, but not restored. I have now done all that I can to follow the Bible directions, and I shall wait for the Lord to work, believing that in His own good time He will heal me. My faith takes hold of the promise, “Ask, and ye shall receive” (John 16:24^L).

I believe that the Lord heard our prayers. I hoped that my captivity might be turned immediately, and to my finite judgment it seemed that thus God would be glorified. I was much blessed during our season of prayer, and I shall hold fast to the assurance then given me: “I am your Redeemer; I will heal you.”—Manuscript 19, 1892.

“I Shall Not Lose Self-control”

June 23, 1892—Another night has passed. I slept only three hours. I was not in so much pain as usual, but was restless and nervous. After lying awake for some time, trying to sleep, I gave up the effort, and directed my whole attention to seeking the Lord. How precious to me was the promise, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7^L). I prayed most earnestly to the Lord for comfort and peace, which the Lord Jesus alone can give. I want the blessing of the Lord, so that, while suffering pain, I shall not lose self-control. I dare not trust in self for one moment.

The instant that Peter withdrew his eyes from Christ, that instant he began to sink. When he realized his peril, and lifted his eyes and voice to Jesus, crying, “Save, Lord, or I perish”(Matthew 8:25^L), the hand ever ready to save the perishing took hold of him, and he was saved....

In my home I must daily seek peace and pursue it.... And although the body is suffering, and the nervous system enfeebled, we must not think that we are at liberty to speak fretfully or to think that we are not receiving all the attention we should have. When we give way to impatience, we drive the Spirit of God out of the heart, and give place to the attributes of Satan.

When we frame excuses for selfishness, for evil thinking and evil speaking, we are educating the soul in evil, and if we continue to do this, it will become a habit to yield to temptation. We are then on Satan’s ground, overcome, weak, and without courage.

If we trust in ourselves, we shall certainly fall. Christ says, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me” (John 15:4^L).

What is the fruit that we are to bear? “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22, 23^L).

As I meditated on these things, I felt more and more deeply the sin of neglecting to keep the soul in the love of God. The Lord does nothing without our cooperation. When Christ prayed, Father, keep them in Thy name, He did not mean that we should neglect to keep ourselves in the love and faith of God. Alive unto God, through a living union with Christ, we trust in the promises, constantly gaining greater strength by beholding Jesus. What can change the heart or shake the confidence of the one who by beholding the Saviour is changed into His likeness? Shall such a one be on the watch for slights? Shall his imagination center on self? Shall he allow little things to destroy his peace of mind? He in whose heart Christ abides is willing to be pleased. He thinks no evil, and is content with the assurance that Jesus knows and values aright every soul for whom He died. God says, “I will make a man more precious than fine gold; even a man than the golden wedge of Ophir” (Isaiah 13:12^L). Let this satisfy the longing of the soul, and make us careful and guarded, very ready to forgive others because God has forgiven us.

The happiness of life is made up of little things. It is in the power of everyone to practice true Christlike courtesy. It is not the possession of splendid talents that will help us to overcome, but the conscientious performance of daily duties. The kind look, the lowly spirit, the contented disposition, the unaffected, sincere interest in the welfare of others—these things are helps in the Christian life. If the love of Jesus fills the heart, this love will be manifested in the life. We shall not show a determination to have our own way, a stubborn, selfish unwillingness to be happy or pleased. The health of the body depends more upon heart healthfulness than many suppose.

One can imagine himself slighted, imagine that he is not in as high a position as he is capable of filling, and so make of himself a supposed martyr. He is unhappy, but who is to blame? One thing is certain—kindness and amiability of temper will do more to exalt him than any supposed smartness with the curse of an ungenial disposition.—Manuscript 19, 1892.

Jesus Knows Our Griefs and Pains

June 26, 1892—I am glad when the daylight comes, for the nights are long and wearisome. But when I cannot sleep, gratitude fills my heart as I think that One who never slumbers is watching over me for good. What a wonderful thought it is that Jesus knows all about the pains and griefs we bear. In all our afflictions He was afflicted. Some among our friends know nothing of human woe or physical pain. They are never sick, and therefore they cannot enter fully into the feelings of those who are sick. But Jesus is touched with the feeling of our infirmity. He is the great medical missionary. He has taken humanity upon Himself, and has placed Himself at the head of a new dispensation, in order that He may reconcile justice and compassion.—Manuscript 19, 1892.

“Make Me a Healthy, Fruit-bearing Branch”

June 29, 1892—My prayer on awaking is, Jesus, keep Thy child today. Take me under Thy guardianship. Make me a healthy, fruit-bearing branch of the living Vine. “Without me,” Christ says, “ye can do nothing” (John 15:5^L). In and through Christ we can do all things.

He who was the adored of angels, who had listened to the music of the heavenly choir, was ever touched, while upon this earth, with the sorrows of children, ever ready to listen to the story of their childish woe. He often dried their tears, cheering them with the tender sympathy of His words, which seemed to hush their sorrows and make them forget their grief. The emblem in the form of a dove that hovered over Jesus at His baptism represents His gentleness of character.—Manuscript 19, 1892.

“Let No Unkind Words Be Spoken by Me”

June 30, 1892—Another night of great weariness is nearly passed. Although I continue to suffer much pain, I know that I am not forsaken by my Saviour. My prayer is, “Help me, Jesus, that I may not dishonor Thee with my lips. Let no unkind words be spoken by me.”—Manuscript 19, 1892.

“I Will Not Complain”

July 6, 1892—I am so thankful that I can tell the Lord all my fears and perplexities. I feel that I am under the shield of His wings. An infidel once asked a God-fearing youth, “How great is the God you worship?” “So great,” was the reply, “that He fills immensity, and yet so small that He dwells in every sanctified heart.”

O precious Saviour, I long for Thy salvation. “As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after Thee” (Psalm 42:1^L). I long for a clearer view of Jesus. I love to think of His spotless life, to meditate upon His lessons. How many times I repeat the words, “Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28^L).

Much of the time my body is full of pain, but I will not by complaining become unworthy of the name of Christian. I am assured that this lesson of suffering will be to the glory of God, a means of warning others to avoid continuous labor under trying circumstances so unfavorable to health of the body.—Manuscript 19, 1892.

“The Lord Strengthens Me”

July 7, 1892—The Lord strengthens me by His grace to write important letters. The brethren frequently come to me for counsel. I feel a strong assurance that this tedious affliction is for the glory of the Lord. I will not murmur; for when I wake in the night, it seems that Jesus is looking upon me. The fifty-first chapter of Isaiah^L is exceedingly precious to me. He bears all our burdens. I read this chapter^L with assurance and hope.—Manuscript 19, 1892.

No Thought of Beating a Retreat

July 10, 1892—I awoke Emily [Emily Campbell, Mrs. White’s traveling companion and secretary.] at five o’clock to build my fire and help me to dress. I thank the Lord that I had a better night’s rest than usual. My wakeful hours I employ in prayer and meditation. The question forces itself upon me, Why do I not receive the blessing of restoration to health? Shall I interpret these long months of sickness as evidences of the displeasure of God because I came to Australia? I answer decidedly, “No, I dare not do this.” At times before leaving America I thought that the Lord did not require me to go to a country so far away, at my age and when I was prostrated by overwork. But I followed the voice of the [General] Conference, as I have ever tried to do at times when I had no clear light myself. I came to Australia, and found the believers here in a condition where they must have help. For weeks after reaching here I labored as earnestly as I have ever labored in my life. Words were given me to speak in regard to the necessity of personal piety....

I am in Australia, and I believe that I am just where the Lord wants me to be. Because suffering is my portion, I have no thought of beating a retreat. The blessed assurance is given me that Jesus is mine and that I am His child. The darkness is dispelled by the bright beams of the Sun of Righteousness. Who can understand the pain I suffer but the One who is afflicted in all our afflictions? To whom can I speak but to Him who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities, and who knows how to succor those who are tempted?

When I pray earnestly for restoration, and it seems that the Lord does not answer, my spirit almost faints within me. Then it is that the dear Saviour makes me mindful of His presence. He says to me, “Cannot you trust Him who has purchased you with His own blood?” I have graven thee on the palms of My hands. Then my soul is nourished with the divine Presence. I am lifted out of myself, as it were, into the presence of God.—Manuscript 19, 1892.

God Knows What Is Best

July 14, 1892—When the affliction under which I have been suffering for several months came upon me, I was surprised that it was not removed at once in answer to prayer. But the promise, “My grace is sufficient” (2 Corinthians 12:9^L), has been fulfilled in my case. There can be no doubt on my part. My hours of pain have been hours of prayer, for I have known to whom to take my sorrows. I have the privilege of reinforcing my feeble strength by laying hold upon infinite power. By day and night I stand on the solid rock of God’s promises.

My heart goes out to Jesus in loving trust. He knows what is best for me. My nights would be lonely did I not claim the promise, “Call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify Me” (Psalm 50:15^L).—Manuscript 19, 1892.

Learned Lessons from the Months of Suffering

I have been passing through great trial in pain and suffering and helplessness, but through it all I have obtained a precious experience more valuable to me than gold. When I was first convinced that I must give up my cherished plans to visit the churches in Australia and New Zealand, I felt to seriously question whether it was my duty to leave America and come to this far-off country. My sufferings were acute. Many sleepless hours of the nights I spent in going over and over our experience since we left Europe for America, and it has been a continual scene of anxiety, suffering, and burden bearing. Then I said, “What does it all mean?”

I carefully reviewed the history of the past few years and the work the Lord gave me to do. Not once did He fail me, and often He manifested Himself to me in a marked manner, and I saw I had nothing of which to complain, but instead precious things running like threads of gold through all my experience. The Lord understood better than I the things that I needed, and I felt that He was drawing me very nigh to Himself, and I must be careful not to dictate to God as to what He should do with me. This unreconciliation was at the beginning of my sufferings and helplessness, but it was not long until I felt that my affliction was a part of God’s plan. I found that by partly lying and partly sitting I could place myself in position to use my crippled hands, and although suffering much pain I could do considerable writing. Since coming to this country I have written sixteen hundred pages of paper of this size.

“I Know Whom I Have Believed”

Many nights during the past nine months I was enabled to sleep but two hours a night, and then at times darkness would gather about me; but I prayed, and realized much sweet comfort in drawing nigh to God. The promises, “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you” (James 4:8^L), “When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him” (Isaiah 59:19^L), were fulfilled to me. I was all light in the Lord. Jesus was sacredly near, and I found the grace given sufficient, for my soul was stayed upon God, and I was full of grateful praise to Him who loved me and gave Himself for me. I could say from a full heart, “I know whom I have believed” (2 Timothy 1:12^L). “God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13^L). Through Jesus Christ I have come off more than conqueror, and held the vantage ground.

I cannot read the purpose of God in my affliction, but He knows what is best, and I will commit my soul, body, and spirit to Him as unto my faithful Creator. “For I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day” (2 Timothy 1:12^L). If we educated and trained our souls to have more faith, more love, greater patience, and a more perfect trust in our heavenly Father, I know we would have more peace and happiness day by day as we pass through the conflicts of this life.

The Lord is not pleased to have us fret and worry ourselves out of the arms of Jesus. More is needed of the quiet waiting and watching combined. We think unless we have feeling that we are not in the right track, and we keep looking within for some sign befitting the occasion; but the reckoning is not of feeling but of faith.

Walk by Faith

When we comply with the written Word, according to our best knowledge, then we are to walk by faith, whether we feel any special gratification or not. We dishonor God when we show we do not trust Him after He has given us such wondrous evidences of His great love in giving His only-begotten Son Jesus to die, our sacrifice, that we may believe in Him, rest our hopes in Him, and trust in His Word without a question or doubt.

Keep looking unto Jesus, offering up silent prayers in faith, taking hold of His strength, whether you have any manifest feeling or not. Go right forward as if every prayer offered was lodged in the throne of God and responded to by the One whose promises never fail. Go right along, singing and making melody to God in your hearts, even when depressed by a sense of weight and sadness. I tell you as one who knows, light will come, joy will be ours, and the mists and clouds will be rolled back. And we pass from the oppressive power of the shadow and darkness into the clear sunshine of His presence.

If we would give more expression to our faith, rejoice more in the blessings that we know we have—the great mercy, forbearance, and love of God—we would daily have greater strength. Have not the precious words spoken by Christ, the Prince of God, an assurance and power that should have great influence upon us, that our heavenly Father is more willing to give the Holy Spirit to them that ask Him than parents are to give good gifts to their children?

We should daily dedicate ourselves to God and believe He accepts the sacrifice, without examining whether we have that degree of feeling that corresponds with our faith. Feeling and faith are as distinct as the east is from the west. Faith is not dependent on feeling. We must earnestly cry to God in faith, feeling or no feeling, and then live our prayers. Our assurance and evidence is God’s word, and after we have asked we must believe without doubting. “I praise Thee, O God, I praise Thee. Thou hast not failed me in the performance of Thy word. Thou hast revealed Thyself unto me and I am Thine to do Thy will.”

Watch as faithfully as did Abraham lest the ravens or any birds of prey alight upon your sacrifice and offering to God. Every thought of doubt should be so guarded that it will not see the light of day by utterance. Light always flees from words which honor the powers of darkness. The life of our risen Lord should be daily manifested in us.

The Path to Heaven Narrow and Inconvenient

What is our path to heaven? Is it a road with every inviting convenience? No, it is a path that is narrow and apparently inconvenient; it is a path of conflict, of trial, of tribulation and suffering. Our Captain, Jesus Christ, has hid nothing from us in regard to the battles we are to fight. He opens the map before us and shows us the way. “Strive,” He says, “to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able” (Luke 13:24^L). “Wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat” (Matthew 7:13^L). “In the world ye shall have tribulation” (John 16:33^L). The apostle echoes the words of Christ, “We must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom” (Acts 14:22^L). Well, is it the discouraging aspect we are to keep before the mind’s eye? ...

Gather Every Promise

This is Jesus, the life of every grace, the life of every promise, the life of every ordinance, the life of every blessing. Jesus is the substance, the glory and fragrance, the very life itself. “He that followeth Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life” (John 8:12^L). Then the royal path cast up the ransomed to walk in is not discouraging darkness. Our pilgrimage would indeed be lonely and painful were it not for Jesus. “I will not,” He says, “leave you comfortless” (John 14:18^L). Then let us gather every registered promise. Let us repeat them by day and meditate upon them in the night season, and be happy.

“And in that day thou shalt say, O Lord, I will praise Thee: though Thou wast angry with me, Thine anger is turned away, and Thou comfortedst me. Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; He also is become my salvation. Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation. And in that day shall ye say, Praise the Lord, call upon His name, declare His doings among the people, make mention that His name is exalted. Sing unto the Lord; for He hath done excellent things: this is known in all the earth. Cry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion: for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee” (Isaiah 12:1-6^L).

Is not this indeed a royal path we are traveling, cast up for the ransomed of the Lord to walk in? Can there be provided a better path? A safer way? No! No! Then let us practice the instruction given. Let us see our Saviour as our refuge, as our shield on our right hand to defend us from the arrows of Satan.

Temptations will assail, cares and darkness will oppress. When heart and flesh are ready to fail, who throws around us His everlasting arms? Who applies the precious promise? Who brings to our remembrance words of assurance and hope? Whose grace is given in rich measure to those who ask it in sincerity and truth? Who is it imputes to us His righteousness and saves us from sin? Whose light rolls back the fog and mist and brings us into the sunshine of His presence? O who but Jesus? Then love Him, then praise Him. “Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4^L). Is Jesus today a living Saviour? “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God” (Colossians 3:1^L). We are risen with Christ. Christ is our life. Through His mercy and gracious love we are declared to be chosen, adopted, pardoned, and justified. Then let us magnify the Lord.—Letter 7, 1892.