Chapter 22—Advancing Under Difficulties

After Nathaniel’s death in May, 1853, my husband was much afflicted. Trouble and anxiety of mind had prostrated him. He had a high fever, and was confined to his bed. We united in prayer for him; but though relieved, he still remained very weak. He had appointments out for Mill Grove, N. Y., and Michigan, but feared that he could not fill them. We decided, however, to venture as far as Mill Grove, and if he grew no better, to return home. While at Elder R. F. Cottrell’s at Mill Grove, he suffered much extreme weakness, and thought he could go no farther.

We were in much perplexity. Must we be driven from the work by bodily infirmities? Would Satan be permitted to exercise his power upon us, and contend for our usefulness and lives, as long as we should remain in the world? We knew that God could limit the power of Satan. He might suffer us to be tried in the furnace, but would bring us forth purified and better fitted for His work.

I went into a log house near by, and there poured out my soul before God in prayer that He would rebuke the disease and strengthen my husband to endure the journey. The case urgent, and my faith firmly grasped the promises of God. I there obtained the evidence that if we should proceed on our journey to Michigan, the angel of God would go with us. When I related to my husband the exercise of my mind, he said that his own mind had been exercised in a similar manner, and we decided to go, trusting in the Lord. My husband was so weak that he could not buckle the straps to his valise, and called Brother Cottrell to do it for him.

Every mile we traveled he felt strengthened. The Lord sustained him. And while he was preaching the Word, I felt assured that angels of God were standing by his side.

First Visit to Michigan

At Jackson, Mich., we found the church in great confusion. While I was among them, the Lord instructed me regarding their condition, and I endeavored to bear a straightforward testimony. Some refused to heed the counsel given, and began to fight against my testimony; and here began what later became known as the Messenger party.

Concerning our labor on this tour among the companies of Sabbath-keeping believers in Michigan, I wrote as follows in a letter dated June 23, 1853:

“While in Michigan we visited Tyrone, Jackson, Sylvan, Bedford, and Vergennes. My husband in the strength of God endured the journey and his labor well. Only once did his strength entirely fail him. He was unable to preach at Bedford. He went to the place of meeting, and stood up in the desk to preach, but became faint and was obliged to sit down. He asked Elder J. N. Loughborough to take the subject where he had left it, and finish the discourse. Then he went out of the house into the open air, and lay upon the green grass until he had somewhat recovered, when Brother Kelsey let him take his horse, and he rode alone one mile and a half to Brother Brooks’s.”

“Brother Loughborough went through with the subject with much freedom. All were interested in the meeting. The Spirit of the Lord rested upon me, and I had perfect freedom in bearing my testimony. The power of God was in the house, and nearly every one present was affected to tears. Some took a decided stand for the truth.”

“After the meeting closed we rode through the woods to a beautiful lake, where six were buried with Christ in baptism. We then returned to Brother Brooks’s, and found my husband more comfortable. While alone that day, his mind had been exercised upon the subject of Spiritualism, and he there decided to write the book entitled ‘Signs of the Times.’”

“Next day we journeyed to Vergennes, traveling over rough log ways and sloughs. Much of the way I rode in nearly a fainting condition; but our hearts were lifted to God in prayer for strength, and we found Him a present help, and were able to accomplish the journey, and bear our testimony there.”

Writing and Traveling

Soon after our return to Rochester, N. Y., my husband engaged in writing the book “Signs of the Times.” He was still feeble, and could sleep but little, but the Lord was his support. When his mind was in a confused, suffering state, we would bow before God, and in our distress cry unto Him. He heard our earnest prayers, and often blessed my husband so that with refreshed spirits he went on with the work. Many times in the day did we thus go before the Lord in earnest prayer. That book was not written in his own strength.

In the fall of 1853 we attended conferences at Buck’s Bridge, N. Y.; Stowe, Vt.; Boston, Dartmouth, and Springfield, Mass.; Washington, N. H.; and New Haven, Vt. This was a laborious and rather discouraging journey. Many had embraced the truth who were unsanctified in heart and life; the elements of strife and rebellion were at work, and it was necessary that a movement should take place to purify the church.

Deliverance from Disease

In the winter and spring I suffered much with heart disease. It was difficult for me to breathe while lying down, and I could not sleep unless raised in nearly a sitting posture. I had upon my left eyelid a swelling which appeared to be a cancer. It had been gradually increasing for more than a year, until it had become quite painful, and affected my sight.

A celebrated physician who gave counsel free visited Rochester, and I decided to have him examine my eye. He thought the swelling would prove to be a cancer; but upon feeling my pulse he said: “You are much diseased, and will die of apoplexy before that swelling shall break out. You are in a dangerous condition with disease of the heart.” This did not startle me, for I had been aware that without speedy relief I must go down to the grave. Two other women who had come for counsel were suffering with the same disease. The physician said that I was in a more dangerous condition than either of them, and it could not be more than three weeks before I would be afflicted with paralysis.

In about three weeks I fainted and fell to the floor, and remained nearly unconscious about thirty-six hours. It was feared that I could not live, but in answer to prayer I again revived. One week later I received a shock upon my left side. I had a strange sensation of coldness and numbness in my head, and severe pain in my temples. My tongue seemed heavy and numb; I could not speak plainly. My left arm and side were helpless.

The brethren and sisters came together to make my case a special subject of prayer. I received the blessing of God, and had the assurance that He loved me; but the pain continued, and I grew more feeble every hour. Again the brethren and sisters assembled to present my case to the Lord. I was so weak that I could not pray vocally. My appearance seemed to weaken the faith of those around me. Then the promises of God were arrayed before me as I had never viewed them before. It seemed to me that Satan was striving to tear me from my husband and children and lay me in the grave, and these questions were suggested to my mind: Can you believe the naked promise of God? Can you walk out by faith, let the appearance be what it may? Faith revived. I whispered to my husband, “I believe that I shall recover.” He answered, “I wish I could believe it.” I retired that night without relief, yet relying with firm confidence upon the promises of God. I could not sleep, but continued my silent prayer. Just before day I fell asleep.

I awoke at sunrise, perfectly free from pain. O, what a change! It seemed to me that an angel of God had touched me while I was sleeping. The pressure upon my heart was gone, and I was very happy. I was filled with gratitude. The praise of God was upon my lips. I awoke my husband, and related to him the wonderful work that the Lord had wrought for me. He could scarcely comprehend it at first; but when I arose and dressed and walked around the house, he could praise God with me. My afflicted eye was free from pain. In a few days the swelling disappeared, and my eyesight was fully restored. The work was complete.

Again I visited the physician, and as soon as he felt my pulse he said, “Madam, an entire change has taken place in your system; but the two women who visited me for counsel when you were last here are dead.” After I left, the doctor said to a friend of mine: “Her case is a mystery. I do not understand it.”

Visit to Michigan and Wisconsin—1854

In the spring of 1854 we visited Michigan again; and though we were obliged to ride over log ways and through mud sloughs, my strength failed not. We felt that the Lord would have us visit Wisconsin, and arranged to board the cars at Jackson late at night.

As we were preparing to take the train, we felt very solemn, and proposed a season of prayer; and as we there committed ourselves to God, we could not refrain from weeping. We went to the depot with feelings of deep solemnity. On boarding the train, we went into a forward car, which had seats with high backs, hoping that we might sleep some that night. The car was full, and we passed back into the next, and there found seats. I did not, as usual when traveling in the night, lay off my bonnet, but held my carpetbag in my hand, as if waiting for something. We both spoke of our singular feelings.

The train had run about three miles from Jackson when its motion became very violent, jerking backward and forward, and finally stopping. I opened the window and saw one car raised nearly upon end. I heard agonizing groans, and there was great confusion. The engine had been thrown from the track, but the car we were in was on the track, and was separated about one hundred feet from those before it. The coupling had not been broken, but our car had been unfastened from the one before it, as if an angel had separated them. The baggage car was not much injured, and our large trunk of books was uninjured. The second-class car was crushed, and the pieces, with the passengers, were thrown on both sides of the track. The car in which we had tried to get a seat was much broken, and one end was raised upon the heap of ruins. Four were killed or mortally wounded, and many were much injured. We could but feel that God had sent an angel to preserve our lives.

We returned to the home of Brother Cyrenius Smith, near Jackson, and the next day took the train for Wisconsin. Our visit to that State was blessed of God. Souls were converted as the result of our efforts. The Lord strengthened me to endure the tedious journey.

Return to Rochester

We returned from Wisconsin much worn, desiring rest, but were distressed to find Sister Anna afflicted. Disease had fastened upon her, and she was brought very low. Trials thickened around us. We had much care. The Office hands boarded with us, and our family numbered from fifteen to twenty. The large conferences and the Sabbath meetings were held at our house. We had no quiet Sabbaths; for some of the sisters usually tarried all day with their children. Our brethren and sisters generally did not consider the inconvenience and additional care and expense brought upon us. As one after another of the Office hands would come home sick, needing extra attention, I was fearful that we should sink beneath the anxiety and care. I often thought that we could endure no more; yet trials increased, and with surprise I found that we were not overwhelmed. We learned the lesson that much more suffering and trial could be borne than we had once thought possible. The watchful eye of the Lord was upon us, to see that we were not destroyed.

August 29, 1854, another responsibility was added to our family in the birth of Willie. He took my mind somewhat from the troubles around me. About this time the first number of the paper falsely called the Messenger of Truth was received. Those who slandered us through that paper had been reproved for their faults and errors. They would not bear reproof, and in a secret manner at first, afterward more openly, used their influence against us.

The Lord had shown me the character and final come-out of the party; that His frown was upon those connected with that paper, and His hand was against them, and although they might appear to prosper for a time, and some honest ones be deceived, yet truth would eventually triumph, and every honest soul would break away from the deception which had held them, and come out clear from the influence of these wicked men; as God’s hand was against them, they must go down.

Death of Anna White

Sister Anna continued to fail. Her father and mother and her older sister came from Maine to visit her in her affliction. Anna was calm and cheerful. She had much desired this interview with her parents and sister. She bade them farewell, as they left to return to Maine, to meet them no more until God shall call forth His faithful ones to health and immortality.

In the last days of her sickness, with her own trembling hands she arranged her things, leaving them in perfect order, and disposing of them according to her mind. She expressed a great desire that her parents should embrace the Sabbath, and live near us. “If I thought this would ever be,” she said, “I could die perfectly satisfied.”

The last office performed by her emaciated, trembling hand, was to trace a few lines to her parents. And did not God regard her last wishes and prayers for her parents? In less that two years, Father and Mother White were keeping the Bible Sabbath, happily situated within less than one hundred feet from our door.

We would have kept Anna with us; but we were obliged to close her eyes in death, and lay her away to rest. Long had she cherished a hope in Jesus, and she looked forward with pleasing anticipation to the morning of the resurrection. We laid her beside dear Nathaniel in Mount Hope Cemetery.