Henry had been from us five years, and Edson had received but little of our care. For years our family was very large, and our home like a hotel, and we from that home much of the time. I had felt the deepest anxiety that my children should be brought up free from evil habits, and I was often grieved as I thought of the contrast between my situation and that of others who would not take burdens and cares, who could ever be with their children, to counsel and instruct them, and who spent their time almost exclusively in their own families. And I have inquired: Does God require so much of us, and leave others without burdens? Is this equality? Are we to be thus hurried on from one care to another, one part of the work to another, and have but little time to bring up our children? Many nights, while others were sleeping, have been spent by me in bitter weeping. (1T 102.1) MC VC

I would plan some course more favorable for my children, then objections would arise which would sweep away these plans. I was keenly sensitive to faults in my children, and every wrong they committed brought on me such heartache as to affect my health. I have wished that some mothers could be circumstanced for a short time as I have been for years; then they would prize the blessings they enjoy, and could better sympathize with me in my privations. We prayed and labored for our children, and restrained them. We did not neglect the rod, but before using it we first labored to have them see their faults, and then prayed with them. We sought to have our children understand that we would merit the displeasure of God if we excused them in sin. And our efforts were blessed to their good. Their greatest pleasure was to please us. They were not free from faults, but we believed that they would yet be lambs of Christ’s fold. (1T 102.2) MC VC

In 1860 death stepped over our threshold, and broke the youngest branch of our family tree. Little Herbert, born September 20, 1860, died December 14 of the same year. When that tender branch was broken, how our hearts did bleed none may know but those who have followed their little ones of promise to the grave. (1T 102.3) MC VC

But oh, when our noble Henry died, [The death of Henry N. White occurred at topsham, Maine, December 8, 1863.] at the age of sixteen; when our sweet singer was borne to the grave, and we no more heard his early song, ours was a lonely home. Both parents and the two remaining sons felt the blow most keenly. But God comforted us in our bereavements, and with faith and courage we pressed forward in the work He had given us, in bright hope of meeting our children who had been torn from us by death, in that world where sickness and death will never come. (1T 103.1) MC VC

In August, 1865, my husband was suddenly stricken down by paralysis. This was a heavy blow, not only to myself and my children, but to the cause of God. The churches were deprived both of my husband’s labors and of my own. Satan triumphed as he saw the work of truth thus hindered. But, thank God! he was not permitted to destroy us. After being cut off from all active labor for fifteen months, we ventured out once more together to work among the churches. (1T 103.2) MC VC

Having become fully satisfied that my husband would not recover from his protracted sickness while remaining inactive, and that the time had fully come for me to go forth and bear my testimony to the people, I decided to make a tour in northern Michigan, with my husband in his extremely feeble condition, in the severest cold of winter. It required no small degree of moral courage and faith in God to bring my mind to the decision to risk so much; but I knew that I had a work to do, and it seemed to me that Satan was determined to keep me from it. I had waited long for our captivity to be turned, and feared that precious souls would be lost by the delay. To remain longer from the field seemed to me worse than death, and should we move out we could but perish. So, on the 19th of December, 1866, we left Battle Creek in a snowstorm for Wright, Michigan. My husband stood the journey of ninety miles much better than I feared, and seemed quite as well when we reached our destination as when we left Battle Creek. (1T 103.3) MC VC

Chapter 50—Personal Experience VC

September 20, 1860, my fourth child, John Herbert White, was born. When he was three weeks old, my husband felt it to be his duty to travel. It was decided at the Conference that Brother Loughborough should go west and he go east. A few days before they were to leave, my husband was greatly depressed in mind. At one time he thought he would give up the journey, yet he feared to do so. He felt that he had something to do, but was shut in by clouds of darkness. He could not rest or sleep. His mind was in continual agitation. He related the state of his mind to Brethren Loughborough and Cornell, and bowed before the Lord with them to seek counsel of Him. Then the clouds parted, and the clear light shone. My husband felt that the Spirit of the Lord was directing him west and Brother Loughborough east. After this they felt clear as to their duty and moved accordingly. (1T 244.1) MC VC

In my husband’s absence we prayed that the Lord would sustain and strengthen him, and obtained the assurance that He would go with him. About one week before he was to visit Mauston, Wisconsin, we received letters for publication from Sister G purporting to be visions given her of the Lord. As we read these communications, we felt distressed; for we knew that they were not from the right source. And as my husband knew nothing of what he was about to meet at Mauston, we feared he would be unprepared to meet the fanaticism, and that it would have a discouraging influence upon his mind. We had passed through so many such scenes in our early experience, and had suffered so much from unruly, untamable spirits, that we dreaded to be brought in contact with them. I sent in a request for the church at Battle Creek to pray for my husband, and at our family altar we earnestly sought the Lord in his behalf. With brokenness of spirit, and many tears, we tried to fasten our trembling faith upon God’s promises, and we had the evidence that He heard us pray and that He would stand by my husband and impart to him counsel and wisdom. (1T 244.2) MC VC