After we returned from our eastern journey I was shown that we were in danger of taking burdens upon us that God did not require us to bear. We had a part to act in the cause of God, and should not add to our cares by increasing our family to gratify the wishes of any. That to save souls we should be willing to bear burdens; that we should open the way for my husband’s brother Nathaniel and sister Anna to come and live with us. They were both invalids, yet we felt to extend to them a cordial invitation to come to our house. This they accepted. As soon as we saw Nathaniel we feared that consumption had marked him for the grave. The hectic flush was upon his cheek. Yet we hoped and prayed that the Lord would spare him, that his talent might be employed in the cause of God. But the Lord saw fit to order otherwise. Nathaniel and Anna came into the truth cautiously, yet understandingly. They weighed the evidences of our position, and conscientiously decided for the truth.
(2SG 173.1)
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Nathaniel died May 6th, 1853, in the 22d year of his age. The following particulars of his sickness and death, are from a letter I wrote to our bereaved parents:
(2SG 174.1)
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“Dear Nathaniel, we miss him much. It seems hard for us to realize that we are no more to have his society here. He bore up through his sickness with remarkable cheerfulness and fortitude. I never heard him groan but once, and that was the Tuesday before he died. I loved him when he first came because he was brother to my husband, and I felt that I could do anything for his comfort; but soon he seemed as near to me as a natural brother. I read some in the Bible to him Wednesday, and told him about my poor brother Robert, who, after six months of great suffering, died of consumption. Said he, ‘I should not wish to have such lingering sickness as he had.’ He enjoyed his mind well, and told us not to look sad when we came into his room. Said he, ‘I am happy; the Lord blesses me abundantly. I have obtained the victory over impatience, and have the evidence that the Lord loves and owns me as his child.’ That night he suffered much with wakefulness.
(2SG 174.2)
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“Thursday morning he expressed his joy that the long night had passed, and day had finally come. As he walked out to breakfast in the large parlor that morning, he looked around the room, and said, ‘Any one cannot help but get well in such a beautiful house as this, with such large, airy rooms.’
(2SG 174.3)
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“Anna generally took his meals to him from choice, and then sat by his side while he ate; she did not wish to eat until after he had. Said he, ‘Ellen, I wish you would make Anna sit down and eat with the rest of the family, for there is no need of her sitting by me while I eat.’
(2SG 175.1)
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“He seemed to love Anna very much, and through his sickness often spoke of his coming to Rochester to accompany her, because she was so feeble, and now Anna was waiting upon him, and often said, ‘Anna, you did not know when you made up your mind to come to Rochester that you were coming to wait upon me.’
(2SG 175.2)
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“That night [Thursday] we went into his room and prayed with him, and Nathaniel was abundantly blessed. He praised the Lord aloud, while his face lighted up with the glory of God. We especially prayed that he might have sleep and rest that night. He rested very well through the night.
(2SG 175.3)
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“Friday morning, the last morning that he lived, he called us into his room. He said that he wished us to pray there; but first, he had something to say. He then with remarkable clearness called up little things that had transpired while he had been with us, and every word that he thought he had spoken hastily or wrong, he confessed heartily. He confessed wherein he had distrusted God in times past, and asked forgiveness of the family. ‘I regret,’ said he, ‘that I have been unreconciled to my sickness. I have felt that I could not have it so, and that the Lord dealt hard with me. But I am now satisfied it is just; for nothing but this sickness could bring me where I am. God has blessed me much of late, and has forgiven me all my sins. It often seems that if I should reach out my hand I could embrace Jesus he is so near. I know I love God and he loves me.’
(2SG 175.4)
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“After he had said what he wished to, we united in prayer. It was a sweet season. He manifested great interest while we were praying, responding to our prayers, saying, ‘Amen! Praise the Lord! Glory to God! I will praise him, for he is worthy to be praised! His name is Jesus, and he will save us from our sins!’
(2SG 176.1)
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“He prayed earnestly, and in faith, for a full consecration to God’s will, to be baptized with his Spirit, and purified by his blood. Said he, ‘Thou hast forgiven me all my sins. Thou hast sanctified me to thyself, and I will honor thee as long as I have breath.’
(2SG 176.2)
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“His face shone, and he looked very happy. He said that the room seemed light, and he loved us all. After we arose from prayer he said, ‘Anna, I love you, come here.’ She went to his bedside, and he embraced her, and said, ‘I am happy, the Lord has blessed me.’
(2SG 176.3)
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“Nathaniel was triumphant in God through the day, although he was very sick. I remained in his room and entertained him by reading the Bible and conversing with him. As I read he would say, ‘How appropriate that is! how beautiful! I must remember that!’
(2SG 177.1)
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“I then said, Nathaniel, you are very sick. You may die in two hours, and unless God interposes, you cannot live two days. He said, very calmly, ‘O, not so soon as that, I think.’ He immediately rose from the bed, sat in the rocking-chair, and commenced talking. He began back to the time when he was converted; told how much he enjoyed, and how afraid he was of sinning; and then when he began to forget God, and lose the blessing. Then how high his hopes were raised; he ‘meant to be a man in the world; to get an education and fill some high station.’ And then he told how his hopes had died, as afflictions had pressed heavily upon him; how hard it was for him to give up his expectations. He said he felt he could not have it so; he would be well; he would not yield to it.
(2SG 177.2)
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“Then he spoke of his coming to Rochester. How trying it was to have us wait upon him, and to be dependent. ‘It seemed to me,’ said he, ‘that the kindness of you all, was more than I could bear; and I have desired to get well to pay you for all this.’ He then spoke of his embracing the Sabbath. Said he, ‘At first I was not willing to acknowledge the light I saw. I wished to conceal it; but the blessing of God was withheld from me until I acknowledged the Sabbath. Then I felt confidence towards God.’ Said he, ‘I love the Sabbath now; it is precious to me. I now feel reconciled to my sickness. I know that it is the only thing that will save me. I will praise the Lord, if he can save me through affliction.’
(2SG 177.3)
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A celebrated physician visited Rochester who gave counsel free. I decided to have him examine my eye. He thought the swelling would prove to be a cancer. He felt my pulse, and said, “You are much diseased, and will die of apoplexy before that swelling will break out. You are in a dangerous condition with disease of the heart.” This did not startle me, for I had been aware that unless I received speedy relief I must lie in the grave. Two other females had come for counsel who were suffering with the same disease. The physician said that I was in a more dangerous condition than either of them, and it could not be more than three weeks before I would be afflicted with paralysis, and next would follow apoplexy. I inquired if he thought his medicine would cure me. He did not give me much encouragement. I purchased some of his medicine. The eyewash was very painful, and I received no benefit from it. I was unable to use the remedies the physician prescribed.
(2SG 185.1)
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In about three weeks I fainted and fell to the floor, and remained unconscious about thirty-six hours. It was feared that I could not live; but in answer to prayer again I revived. One week later, while conversing with sister Anna, I received a shock upon my left side. My head was numb, I had a strange sensation of coldness and numbness in my head, with pressure, and severe pain through my temples. My tongue seemed heavy and numb. I could not speak plainly. My left arm and side were helpless. I thought I was dying, and my great anxiety was to have the evidence amid my suffering that the Lord loved me.
(2SG 185.2)
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We took the afternoon train for Wisconsin. Our visit to that State was blest of God. Souls were converted as the fruits of our labor, yet it was a hard field to labor in. The Lord strengthened me to endure the tedious journey.
(2SG 191.1)
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We returned from Wisconsin much worn down, desiring rest; but were distressed to meet Sr. Anna afflicted. She had changed much in our absence. We also found brethren and sisters assembled at our house for conference. Without rest we were obliged to engage in the meeting. After the labor of the conference was over, Sr. Bonfoey was taken down with the fever and ague, and suffered weeks with this most distressing disease. It was a sickly summer. Deep affliction was in our family, and we felt the necessity of help from God. Many and fervent were our prayers that his blessing might be felt throughout our dwelling. Especially was Sr. Anna a subject of our earnest prayers; but she did not seem to feel her danger, and unite with us for the recovery of health, until disease had fastened upon her, and she was brought very low.
(2SG 191.2)
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Trials thickened around us. We had much care. The Office hands boarded with us, and our family numbered from fifteen to twenty. The large conferences and the Sabbath meetings were held at our house. We had no quiet Sabbaths, for some of the sisters generally tarried all day with their children. Our brethren and sisters generally did not consider the inconvenience and additional cares and expense brought upon us. As one after another of the Office hands would come home sick, needing extra attention, I was fearful that we should sink beneath the anxiety and care. I often thought, we can endure no more, yet trials increased, and with surprise I found we were not overwhelmed. We learned the lesson that much more suffering and trial could be borne than we once thought possible. The watchful eye of the Lord was upon us, to see that we were not destroyed.
(2SG 191.3)
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The Lord had shown me the character and final come-out of that party; that his hand was against them, and his frown upon those connected with that paper. And although they might appear to prosper for a time, and some honest ones be deceived, yet truth would eventually triumph, and every honest soul would break away from the deception which had held them, and come out clear from the influence of those wicked men whom God despised As God’s hand was against them, they must go down. The first number of their paper was in our house six weeks, and I had not interest to look into it, or to even inquire concerning its contents.
(2SG 193.1)
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Sister Anna continued to fail. Father and mother White, and her sister E. Tenny, came from Maine to visit her in her affliction. Anna was calm and cheerful. This interview with her parents and sister she had much desired. She bid her parents and sister farewell, as they left to return to Maine, to meet them no more until the trump of God shall call forth the precious dust to health and immortality.
(2SG 193.2)
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In the last days of her sickness, with her own trembling hands, she arranged her things, leaving them in order, and disposed of them according to her mind. She expressed the greatest interest that her parents should embrace the Sabbath, and live near by us. “If I thought this would ever be,” said she, “I could die perfectly satisfied.” The last office performed by her emaciated, trembling hand, was to trace a few lines to her parents. And has not God regarded her last wishes and prayers for her parents? They are now keeping the Bible Sabbath, happily situated within less than one hundred feet from our door.
(2SG 193.3)
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We missed Anna very much. We would have kept her with us; but we were obliged to close her eyes in death, and habit her for the tomb, and lay her away to rest. Long had she cherished a hope in Jesus, and she looked forward with pleasing anticipation to the morning of the resurrection. We laid her beside dear Nathaniel in Mount Hope cemetery.
(2SG 194.1)
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After Anna’s death, my husband’s health became very poor. He was troubled with cough and soreness of lungs, and his nervous system was prostrated. His anxiety of mind, the burdens which he bore in Rochester, his labor in the Office, the sickness and repeated deaths in the family, the lack of sympathy from those who should have shared his labors, together with his traveling and preaching, were too much for his strength, and he seemed to be fast following Nathaniel and Anna to a consumptive’s grave. It was a time of thick gloom and darkness. A few rays of light occasionally parted these heavy clouds, giving us a little hope, or we should have sunk in despair. It seemed at times that God had forsaken us.
(2SG 194.2)
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The “Messenger” party, the most of whom had been reproved through visions for their wrongs, framed all manner of falsehoods concerning us, and concerning the visions. Psalm 32:1, 2, was often brought forcibly to my mind. “Fret not thyself because of evil doers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity, for they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.”
(2SG 195.1)
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Some of the writers of the “Messenger” even triumphed over the feebleness of my husband, saying, that God will take care of him, and remove him out of the way. When he read this he felt some as Wickliffe did as he lay sick. [Monks and Alderman “hastened to the bedside of the dying man, hoping to frighten him with the vengeance of heaven.” Said they, “You have death on your lips, be touched by your faults, and retract in our presence all you have said to our injury.”“He begged his servants to raise him on his couch. Then feeble and pale, and scarcely able to support himself, he turned towards the friars who were waiting his recantation, and opening his livid lips, and fixing on them a piercing look, he said with emphasis, ‘I shall not die, but live, and again declare the evil deeds of the friars.’” They left the room in confusion, and the reformer recovered to perform his most important labors.—D’ Aubigne’s History of the Reformation 5:93.] Faith revived, and my husband exclaimed, “I shall not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord and may yet preach their funeral sermon.”
(2SG 195.2)
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