The real character of the minister is revealed at home—It is not so much the religion of the pulpit as the religion of the family that reveals our real character. The minister’s wife, his children, and those who are employed as helpers in his family are best qualified to judge of his piety. A good man will be a blessing to his household. Wife, children, and helpers will all be the better for his religion.—The Adventist Home, 354.
(PaM 85.1)
The spiritual welfare of your family comes first—Nothing can excuse the minister for neglecting the inner circle for the larger circle outside. The spiritual welfare of his family comes first. In the day of final reckoning, God will inquire what he did to win to Christ those whom he took the responsibility of bringing into the world. Great good done for others cannot cancel the debt that he owes to God to care for his own children.—Gospel Workers, 204.
(PaM 85.2)
A minister needs to show kindly consideration as head of the family before succeeding in winning souls—You must show in your family that kindly consideration, that tenderness, love, gentleness, noble forbearance, and true courtesy, that is becoming to the head of a family, before you can make a success of winning souls to Christ.—Testimonies for the Church 3:556.
(PaM 85.3)
Some ministers are drawn away from their work by home ties—Some ministers are easily diverted from their work. They become discouraged, or are drawn away by their home ties, and leave a growing interest to die for want of attention. The loss sustained by the cause in this way can scarcely be estimated.—Gospel Workers, 371.
(PaM 85.4)
Spouse
Treat your wife tenderly—Treat your wife tenderly. She needs all the care and comfort and encouragement that you promised in your marriage vow to give her. Do not give her the slightest occasion to question your loyalty or your sincere desire to fulfil your obligations.—Manuscript Releases 6:47.
(PaM 85.5)
A minister’s success or failure depends very much on the spouse—The wife of a minister of the gospel can be either a most successful helper and a great blessing to her husband or a hindrance to him in his work. It depends very much on the wife whether a minister will rise from day to day in his sphere of usefulness, or whether he will sink to the ordinary level.—The Adventist Home, 355.
(PaM 86.1)
Discontented ministers’ spouses cause disheartened ministers—I was shown the life of Christ. When His self-denial and sacrifice is compared with the trials and sufferings of the wives of some of our ministers, it causes anything which they may call sacrifice to sink into insignificance. If the minister’s wife speaks words of discontent and discouragement, the influence upon the husband is disheartening, and tends to cripple him in his labor, especially if his success depends upon surrounding influences. Must the minister of God in such cases be crippled or torn from his field of labor to gratify the feelings of his wife, which arise from an unwillingness to yield inclination to duty? The wife should conform her wishes and pleasures to duty, and give up her selfish feelings for the sake of Christ and the truth. Satan has had much to do with controlling the labors of the ministers, through the influence of selfish, ease-loving companions.—Testimonies for the Church 1:451.
(PaM 86.2)
Satan controls ministers through selfish, ease-loving companions—Satan is ever at work to dishearten and lead astray ministers whom God has chosen to preach the truth. The most effectual way in which he can work is through home influences, through unconsecrated companions. If he can control their minds, he can through them the more readily gain access to the husband, who is laboring in word and doctrine to save souls.... Satan has had much to do with controlling the labors of the ministers through the influence of selfish, ease-loving companions.—The Adventist Home, 355.
(PaM 86.3)
Ministers’ spouses who minister to others have no opportunity to be lonesome—The light which the Lord has given me in regard to minister’s wives is, If their life is kept in close consecration to God, as is the duty of all who are laborers together with Him, they will find so many souls to minister unto that they will have no opportunity to be lonesome or to cultivate selfishness in any line. Jesus says, “Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”Matthew 11:29. Those who heed this invitation will have no thought of repining, no thought of loneliness. Their work is to do the will of Christ. As they do this, they will have sweet peace, and rest of soul.—Manuscript Releases 14:307.
(PaM 86.4)
Being overly swayed by one’s companion can prove harmful to the minister—The wife of one of our ministers kept her husband, who was a very sensitive-minded man, tortured by suggestions similar to those you have uttered. Upon the words and actions of others she cast untruthful suspicions, and presented her views in such a strong light that her husband thought that she possessed superior insight into character. The Lord gave me a message for this brother and sister, but neither of them received it. He thought that he was right in his belief that his wife possessed superior discernment, and he believed that her suggestions were perfectly true. Any effort made to enlighten him, or to remove the wrong impressions he had received, were looked upon as a design to deceive him. And the unruly tongue of his wife was constantly at work. Any endeavor to save him from a breakdown was interpreted by her as a desire to put someone else in his place. His brethren worked with all their power to save him, but their plans were construed as deep-laid schemes set on foot to hurt his influence. Thus the work of God was counteracted by home influence.—Manuscript Releases 12:341.
(PaM 87.1)
Workers with marriage problems may present themselves as having been wronged, when it is their companions who have been most wronged—I cannot appear to justify your course of action in your married life. Leaving your wife and family is an offense to God, and I must present this matter as it is, before the president of your conference, Elder Williams. I had hoped that when you saw your delusion you would feel that repentance for your course of action that needeth not to be repented of. But my experience at Armadale, and the burden brought upon me there, made me a great sufferer; and matters in regard to your past life have been more fully opened before me....You have thought that you would receive the credentials of a minister of the gospel, but had these been given you, reproach would have been brought upon the cause of God. You have represented yourself as being a wronged man, but it is your wife who has been most wronged. She should never have been treated as you have treated her. You pursued such a course toward your little ones that your wife could not but be estranged from you. Her heart was wounded, bruised, and she was almost distracted by your overbearing, masterly government in discipline of your children.—Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce, 213.
(PaM 87.2)
Children
The first duty of ministers is to their children—The minister’s duties lie around him, nigh and afar off; but his first duty is to his children. He should not become so engrossed with his outside duties as to neglect the instruction which his children need. He may look upon his home duties as of lesser importance; but in reality they lie at the very foundation of the well-being of individuals and of society. To a large degree the happiness of men and women and the success of the church depend upon home influence. Eternal interests are involved in the proper discharge of the every-day duties of life. The world is not so much in need of great minds, as of good men, who are a blessing in their homes.—Gospel Workers, 204.
(PaM 87.3)
No matter how great your ability, you are not best serving God while neglecting your own children—Those who realize their deficiency in a matter which concerns the happiness and usefulness of future generations, should make the subject of family government their most diligent study. As an objection to this, many point to the children of ministers, teachers, and other men of high repute for learning and piety, and urge that if these men, with their superior advantages, fail in family government, those who are less favorably situated need not hope to succeed. The question to be settled is, Have these men given to their children that which is their right—a good example, faithful instruction, and proper restraint? It is by a neglect of these essentials that such parents give to society children who are unbalanced in mind, impatient of restraint, and ignorant of the duties of practical life. In this they are doing the world an injury which outweighs all the good that their labors accomplish. Those children transmit their own perversity of character as an inheritance to their offspring, and at the same time their evil example and influence corrupt society and make havoc in the church. We cannot think that any man, however great his ability and usefulness, is best serving God or the world while his time is given to other pursuits, to the neglect of his own children.—The Signs of the Times, February 9, 1882.
(PaM 88.1)
The negative influence of ministers’ families can do more harm than their ministry does good—A double obligation rested upon you, Brother B, as a minister of God, to rule well your own house and bring your children into subjection. But you have been pleased with their aptness and have excused their faults. Sin in them did not appear very sinful. You have displeased God and nearly ruined your children by your neglect of duty, and you have continued this neglect after the Lord had reproved and counseled you. The injury done to the cause of God by your influence as a family in the different places where you have lived has been greater than the good that you have accomplished. You have been blinded and deceived by Satan in regard to your family. You and your wife have made your children your equals. They have done about as they pleased. This has been a sad drawback to you in your work as a minister of Christ, and the neglect of your duty to bring your children into subjection has led to a still greater evil, which threatens to destroy your usefulness.—Testimonies for the Church 2:620.
(PaM 88.2)
Shepherds who fail at home will fail at church—He who is engaged in the work of the gospel ministry must be faithful in his family life. It is as essential that as a father he should improve the talents God has given him for the purpose of making the home a symbol of the heavenly family, as that in the work of the ministry, he should make use of his God-given powers to win souls for the church. As the priest in the home, and as the ambassador of Christ in the church, he should exemplify in his life the character of Christ. He must be faithful in watching for souls as one that must give an account. In his service there must be seen no carelessness and inattentive work. God will not serve with the sins of men who have not a clear sense of the sacred responsibility involved in accepting a position as pastor of a church. He who fails to be a faithful, discerning shepherd in the home, will surely fail of being a faithful shepherd of the flock of God in the church.—Manuscript Releases 6:49.
(PaM 88.3)